This topic is a little scary for me to talk about because to me, its still a little bit confusing. At some point everyone is going to make mistakes in their lives. Nobody is perfect. Being a member of the Latter-Day Saints I utilized the repentance process within my journey of becoming an active member again.

But here’s where it can get complicated. A couple of weeks ago I was on a date with someone and during our conversation my past got brought up. This is something I am always very nervous to talk about, especially with someone that I am attempting to impress. The reason I get nervous is because I never know how somebody is going to react when I am trying to explain my past and the mistakes it was filled with. While I do not regret my past mistakes because they are a part of me and they played a huge part in the strength of my testimony, another person may hear about my past and simply judge me based off of mistakes that were made.

People say that going through the repentance process and utilizing the atonement means that we are forgiven, that Heavenly Father no longer see our sins, to him they are simply forgotten. Even though Heavenly Father has forgotten our sins does not mean we forget that they happened.

My date mentioned the atonement and we discussed about how it isn’t about where you’ve been it’s about where you are going. Which is very much so true. I appreciated him so very much in that very moment. The date ended shortly after I had started opening up about my mistakes and anxiety kicked in, all I could think about was how I didn’t want the conversation to end with talking about my past because I didn’t want him to see me as that person. It left me wanting to show him, that isn’t who I am anymore. It left me wanting more time to leave the conversation on a different topic. It left me hoping I’d get a chance to show him who I am now. It left me vulnerable.

When you do have a past how do you know when to bring it up? How do you bring it up? How much detail do you go in to? It’s hard to know that answers to these questions. Anyone who knows me knows that I will share and be open about any curiosities people might have when it comes to my journey. But it can be scary when you want to share your past with someone and can only hope that they’ll stick around long enough to see how your past has shaped who you are now.

Who I am is completely different that who I was. Which is exactly what the atonement is about. When we repent we are taking a step towards Christ. It’s not about where you’ve been it’s about where you’re going. Heavenly Father loves and cares about us regardless of where we have been and I realized that having fears regarding opening up about my past come straight from Satan. While dwelling on our mistakes isn’t necessarily something we should be doing, we also shouldn’t have anxiety surrounding a place we are no longer standing in. Making mistakes help us to grow and become strong. Agency would not exist if it weren’t for mistakes. Therefore we should be grateful for the mistakes we might’ve made in the past.

You have to realize that you are never going to be perfect, there will always be room to improve and no matter how many mistakes you have made you are always loved by Heavenly Father. Our mistakes do not define us, they help to shape us.

XOXO,

Lex

If you have any questions or thoughts feel free to email me or comment below.