Lately I’ve kept getting the feeling that I need to start being more open and telling my story, not only with my PTSD and faith but my whole life story. It’s absolutely terrifying and vulnerable to share so transparently BUT as you’ll see as you stick around and get to know me, I know there is a reason I’m supposed to share. 

I’ve already had this feeling for a bit and then I realized that it’s rare disease day today (February 29th) so I took that as the push I’ve needed to share now and stop putting it off. For context, I have multiple rare diseases that I’ve hesitantly been toying with the idea of opening up about those as well-more on that to come in the future. But for now I want to the thoughts that have led me to jump with my full heart in, I’m committing to sharing more consistently no matter how scary it may be. 

Over the last few months I have realized I have no idea what my purpose is, in life, in work, in relationships, in many facets. Not in a depressed sense, but in a way that’s resulted in doing a lot of reflection and realizing that I have yet to discover my full purpose in this life. I feel somewhat of a sense of purpose, but it isn’t overwhelming, not that it has to be, but as I’ve done a lot of digging into my soul I realized this: There is no way in hell God kept me alive, only for me to have no purpose in life. 

For those of you don’t know, I was born severely premature, so premature in fact that even if I were to be born today with all of the leaps and bounds in technology I would still not be considered viable. Aka I should not be alive. I’ve had multiple surgeries, chronic conditions, rare diagnosis and other hardships throughout my life when it comes to my health but I AM ALIVE. Doctors told my parents on many occasions, “She will never have a quality life.” “She will likely never walk or talk.” “She is going to be wheelchair bound.” “She isn’t going to make it.” “Be prepared to care for her for her entire life.” But God simply had other plans. 

And I will be damned if I let that go to waste. Also, how can I say my life motto is ‘Aspire to Inspire’ if I’m not willing to share more. I may not exactly have my purpose pinned down, but I know that I have one. And for years I’ve had a pull within me, for whatever reason, that sharing my story may be a big part of that. 

I’m sure at some point in life, we’ve all felt that we don’t have a purpose or have questioned what our purpose may be, to some extent or the other. And I want to talk openly about it. I want to be someone that brings awareness to these types of feelings and hopefully relate to some others along the way. Feeling like you have no purpose is a hard feeling to sit with, it can be lonely, confusing and heartbreaking BUT on the flip side of that it can be a feeling that forces you to grow, it can be exciting and inspiring. Over the next few weeks I’m going to be sharing a few different blog posts that shed light on feeling like you don’t have a purpose, navigating finding a purpose within who you are, sharing more about my story and opening up in general! 

Today’s post was more word vomit and jumbled thoughts than anything, but I wanted to say this:

If you feel like you haven’t genuinely figured out your purpose and it’s getting you down, you are NOT alone in feeling that way. You have a purpose, even if you don’t have confidence in that truth yet. Finding your purpose can be an enlightening and growing experience. Being vulnerable and sharing your story is beautiful. You never know who you might inspire. 

Keep an eye out over the next few weeks for more on all of the above. Again, as always, thank you for being here and for taking the time to read! And don’t forget, you have a purpose!