Lean On Me.

Life has absolutely been kicking my butt lately. Especially these past few weeks. I went through something pretty intense two weeks ago that could have ended in a devastating outcome, something that was 110% out of my control. And I feel as though I’ve kind of been drowning ever since. I won’t go into specific details about what’s been going on, but I will however explain how I’ve been able to tread above the water and chaos.

Growing up I don’t recall being taught to depend upon the gospel. We always went to church, I went to activity days and sometimes mutual, but being in a single parent household sometimes made it difficult to have FHE or read scriptures before bedtime or pray before school each day simply because my amazing mother was always working multiple jobs to provide for me. There was never a priesthood holder in my home and the only times I can remember receive blessings, outside of when I was baptized, was before big procedures or when I was really sick.

As a child I didn’t know that I could depend upon the gospel, as a teenager to young adult I wasn’t active. I was raised by a strong independent women, which helped me to become independent and self reliant. So now years later, being active and strong in the church I still sometimes struggle with the concept of depending upon something other than myself, or my mother. I rely on the gospel, but never fully.

These past few weeks have completely changed that. With everything I’ve been experiencing, most of which was out of my control, my immediate instinct was to turn to the Lord and pray. I prayed constantly. My anxiety was in overdrive and I didn’t know what to do. So I depended upon the Lord. I did everything I could. I attempted to do the right thing in the situation I was facing, with the thought of ‘What would Jesus do?’, I asked for a blessing from a good friend, I called and put my name on the prayer roll, if I wasn’t reading my scriptures I was listening to a conference talk. Was doing all of this only when I needed the Lords help going to suddenly change the circumstances of my situation? I didn’t know. I just knew that I needed Him, I knew I needed help and I knew that I needed to do what I could to build my faith.

Ultimately everything worked out and within all of the chaos I learned this: It is okay to have faith. It is okay to ask for a blessing when you are in need of comfort. It is okay to put what you cannot control into the hands of the Lord. It is okay to depend upon the Lord and this gospel.

This was a wake up call for me, a lesson that I don’t need to always depend upon myself. It taught me that I don’t need to depend upon the gospel for every little thing in my life, that’s why we have agency, but I should involve this gospel with every aspect of my life. And that it’s okay to lean on and build a solid foundation upon this gospel.

If you’ve felt as though you can’t or shouldn’t depend upon the Lord and this gospel, believe me when I tell you, it’s okay to do so. Don’t hold yourself back, you can trust in the Lord and allow him to help build your faith. You are never alone and the Lord feels all that you do. Don’t forget that.