This post is probably the scariest one I’ll ever write. But I also feel that it’s something that needs to be shared. I’ve deleted and written this over again 15 times, so bare with me.
I want to begin by saying that I am in no way telling everyone this to receive pity, in fact all of this is something that is hard for me to talk about. I’m putting it all out there because a big reason why I got into blogging is because I wanted to inspire others.
A huge part of me is so terrified of what people think of me when I tell them that I can’t do certain things because I have a medical condition. An even bigger part of me is scared that nobody will ever want a relationship with someone who is a walking medical case. But insecurities set aside, if I can inspire just one person or even learn from one person by opening up about my struggles it will be worth it. I want to inspire others that might relate to me, others that might know someone who has been through similar circumstances. I want to speak up about why I will never live a normal life.
See, I was born premature. Extremely premature. Some of you might know this, but most of you would have no clue just by looking at me. I have had multiple surgeries throughout my lifetime and I shouldn’t be alive for many reasons. But I am. And I don’t want to ever feel insecure or ashamed of the medical conditions I have.
A big part of my blog will be going into detail about some of the medical struggles I have experienced, but for now I will summarize.
For as long as I can remember, going to specialists, hospitals and having surgeries was a normal part of my life. Most of which caused problems when I was younger. But some things will stay with me for my entire life.
Just to name a few:
-10+ Surgeries, some of which saved my life.
-2 autoimmune diseases.
-Cerebral Palsy that affects the right side of my body.
-Learning Disabilities.
-Anxiety.
-Asthma.
-I was diagnosed with a condition that I only had a 1/500+ million chance of having.
-Terrible immune system.
-Multiple Scars on my body.
The list goes on but I’ll spare you because frankly I’m feeling vulnerable listing all the things that are wrong with me. I will never wake up feeling normal. Normal to me is living with the things above. But with that being said, I am lucky to be alive. I am lucky to experience life everyday and actually have quality of life, some others aren’t as lucky.
Currently the only major things that might limit me on a bad day are my Cerebral Palsy, having a bad immune system and stomach issues.
The Cerebral Palsy keeps me from doing anything super physical, and when I push past it, walking becomes hard for the next 3-5 days. Hence why I don’t hike and being located in Utah I always feel dumb when I say that it’s something that I don’t enjoy.
When I get sick my body usually gets hit a little harder than someone else. It just takes me a little longer to get over common colds and I usually am sick the entire winter season. It totally blows, but it could also be a lot worse. Just because I have a cold does not mean that I am dying.
I have had multiple stomach surgeries because I have Acid Reflux, that left me with a giant scar on my abdomen and unable to eat certain foods or physically do more than two sit ups.
Like I said I will go into more detail about each medical condition in later blog posts, until then this is what I have to say:
If you have experienced any of this, you are not alone.
I am alive for a reason.
I have beautiful scars that tell the story of my life.
I define feeling normal differently than someone who has grown up healthy does.
I am not defined by what my body has been through.
But I am who I am because of these struggles.
I have nothing to be ashamed of.
I am a fighter.
All thanks to being born premature.
I am an open book about all of this and ask that if you have questions please do not hesitate to ask me. Also, if you are experiencing something medically and just need a friend, I am here for you.
Here’s to being vulnerable and strong all at once.
XOXO,
Lex
Comments ( 5 )
Skylar Allen
You are so brace and strong and I can’t wait to see where your “not normal” life takes you!
xo, Skylar
http://www.styledbyskylar.com
Chelsea Anderton
You are so beautiful on the inside out. Our trials are what makes us stronger and you are SO strong! You inspire so many (myself included). Thank you so much for being vulnerable. You are truly such a light. I’m honored to know you (even if it’s only on Social Media)!
Ashley
I love your blog! You are such an inspiration! I was born from a drug and alcohol abusing birth mother; who abandoned me for days to weeks sometimes with no food or clean diapers until family came and found me and sheltered me until she came back. Due to all of this my spine was completely crooked, I’m not talking bent, I mean twisted. My head was facing a complete 180 from my hips. I slept on a wedge and was hospital bound for about 6 full months before I could even leave. By then I was adopted (thank god). Because of this drug abuse I have a very hard time processing information. Socially I don’t understand “cues” or any form of “sarcasm or jokes” at all. It takes my brain weeks sometimes to process jokes I’ve been told. It sucks. I also get extremely addicted to ANY form of medications, chocolate or caffeine in the smallest doses can become very unhealthy obsessions. (I will binge on gallons of chocolate ice cream if I have too many chocolate chips to cure the cravings). And yet, I’ve survived. My back is straight. I was a beautiful very talented flexible dancer and loved sports! I was able to excel in literally anything and everything I did and still do. I still have some trouble processing speech. I’ll start talking and my brain will be thinking of a million things at once and I’ll literally start speaking a mix of multiple words, which sounds like complete toddler talk. Socially I’ve been targeted by jerks who figured I was stupid, even though I have an extremely high IQ even with these problems. I’ve been picked on and bullied. I’ve been left out and had trouble making friends (once again socially, not all the way there yet). Yet it’s nice to see that there are other people who have it worse off who are not just surviving, but thriving! That means I can thrive too. It gives me a lot of hope. Thank you for your truth. It means a lot!
Lindsey at Blog Me Lovely
Great post! I suffer from asthma and anxiety too! It took me awhile to realize that I was having anxiety and panic attacks. You are truly a fighter and I look forward to following along on your journey!
Rachael Thomas
I love this post and thank you for being strong and sharing! I love when women are open about their struggles and health because it makes us realize that we aren’t alone.
Rachael
http://www.threadsforthomasblog.com