This past weekend I go the opportunity to attend the Life Is Beautiful and iHeart music festivals in Las Vegas, Nevada and it was so much fun. But it made me realize something.

My cerebral palsy affects me a lot more than I like to admit.

Let me start off with this, I am no way trying to seek attention by posting more about the struggles of being born premature, I simply hope to open up and maybe inspire someone who might be struggling with something similar. This is probably the one thing that impacts my life the most out of all the struggles I face daily from being born early. I was not born with Cerebral Palsy, it came as a result of doctors keeping me alive. The moment I was born I was put on 100% oxygen that caused my brain to have level 4 brain bleeds on both sides, which in turn left permanent damage that lead to me having cerebral palsy that affects the right side of my body. <—That’s a mouthful. Cerebral Palsy is basically underdeveloped muscles.  The right side of my body is much weaker and not as flexible as the left side of my body. My mom was told that I would never walk and would likely be wheelchair bound my whole life. There is no cure. I tried surgery and it only made matters worse. I wore a leg brace until I was 5 years old to help the flexibility of my leg. I can’t stand for long periods of time. I trip or limp when my muscles get tired. Anything super physical such as hiking or working out intensely is very difficult to do. If I push myself I have a hard time walking and am sore for the next three days or so.

My Cerebral Palsy is not something I really like to talk about. In fact I’m not ready to open up about it even now, but as I was trying to enjoy myself at the festivals this past weekend I realized that I was in so much pain that I couldn’t enjoy myself. So I accepted the fact that I have a disability that limits me, that I am not normal, and that it’s okay to admit it. My mom and I ended up sitting in the ADA section throughout the festival and it opened up my eyes to a lot. It helped me to realize that now is the time to talk about it.

I don’t open up much about it for a couple of reasons. I don’t want people viewing my differently or judging me. Many people who are friends with me ask the question, “Why do you have a handicap sticker?”  It’s not an easy topic for me to discuss because when I tell people about my CP because in the back of my mind I am thinking, ‘Who’s going to want to hang out with a girl who can’t even go on a hike or stand for long periods of time. Who is ever going to love me when I have so much medical baggage.’ I park closer to buildings because some days even walking from the end of a parking lot into the store will exhaust me entirely. But people don’t know that and death glare me as I walk into the store. It hurts my feelings and makes me feel ashamed for parking closer. Most people would NEVER know or even think that I have Cerebral Palsy because most known cases of CP are severe and change quality of life drastically. Which brings me to another reason why I don’t discuss it, I know I was one of the lucky ones. I would never want to offend someone who has a more severe case of Cerebral Palsy than I do. Some days are worse for me than others but I feel like I have absolutely nothing to complain about because I got the opportunity to walk. But at the same time, just because my Cerebral Palsy is less severe than someone else’s does not mean it does not impact my life. It’s hard for me to remember that.

Attending the Life Is Beautiful and iHeart Radio Music Festival’s helped me to let go of all the above fears and own up to my disability. I am still alive. I am beautiful no matter what disabilities I may have. Experiencing life with CP has made me a stronger. If you have a disability it does not make you any less beautiful than the person standing next to you. Everyone goes through trials throughout their lives, this just happens to be one of yours. Each person is physically different, with medical baggage or not. You are beautiful. Life is Beautiful. Don’t ever think otherwise.

If you have any questions regarding Cerebral Palsy or my experience with Cerebral Palsy please comment below, email or subscribe!

An article that might be helpful in explaining Cerebral Palsy further can be found here: http://www.cerebralpalsy.org/about-cerebral-palsy/definition

Below are some quick iPhone photos I snapped at Life Is Beautiful! Sadly I regret not bringing my camera along!

XOXO
Lex